"One House" - Excerpts

LARRY KING: You must be ... proud that at this stage in our history a black man is running for president on a major ticket.

CHRIS ROCK: Um, you know what? I'm proud Barack Obama's running for president. You know? If it was Flavor Flav, would I be proud? No. I don't support Barack Obama because he's black.

ROCK: I introduced Obama at the Apollo Theater not too long ago. I think Obama would be great. I mean, just look the big thing right now is the economy. And people are going broke. And here: The choice isn't Republican or Democrat. The choice is you got a guy that's worth $150 million with 12 houses against a guy who's worth a million dollars with one house.

KING: Well --

ROCK: The guy with one house really cares about losing a house, because he is homeless. The other guy can lose five houses and still got a bunch of houses. Does this make any sense? Am I the only one that sees this?

KING: It's unique way of ...

ROCK: I'm just saying, John McCain could lose half his houses.

KING: You got a point.

ROCK: And sleep well.

My beesness, my beesness

At dinner with Barron's family...


Barron's mom: So, I think for the new house in Vermont we are going to need to buy an orange jacket for the dog because it is hunting season.

Barron: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BEES-NESS

(Blank stares ensue)

Me: Your mom said 'hunting season.'

Barron: OOHHHHHH. I thought she said honey season. When is it maple syrup season?

Skittlebrau

"You got any Skittlebrau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles."

When I was in high school, me and Jesse and Brian could spend hours quoting Homer J. Simpson.

Speaking of Homer Simpson

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'"

Barron's Two Favorite Movies

Barron could watch "Independence Day" and / or "Speed" every day if you let him. Unfortunately, both were on television today. And "Speed" was being shown uninterrupted. Ugh.


I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." - Homer Simpson

Rosh Hashanah

Beth thought that everyone has tomorrow off of work. Pass it on!


Photo from Google image search.

Holding out Hope for a Movie...

Happy (almost) Rosh Hashanah

Don't be Ridiculous

I want to take a moment to thank Zack for pointing out in college how much Professor Drag Queen looks like Larry from "Perfect Strangers." I would have never have made the connection on my own.

Teen Wolf

From the Maynard Police Logs

11:33 p.m., a caller in Acton said kids were parking at the end of her street and sneaking into the Maynard Country Club. A responding officer reported no problems with kids but said he had been sprayed by a skunk while investigating.

Flashing Lights

Yesterday, my boss was giving me a ride home and we were enjoying our favorite Kanye song, "Flashing Lights," and getting our crunk on, and I was congratulating him on listening to something that didn't come out of the 80s and all was right with the world.

And then I heard the words, "She in the mirror dancin' so sleazy" come out of his mouth.

I was impressed but had to laugh at him.


On a completely different note, why, when people are talking about stupid things their kids do, does it give them permission to discuss completely inappropriate things like boobs and penises?

Post Turtles

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President. The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.'

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.'

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.'

Indecision 2008

If I could have my way with either of these two men, I would.



Seriously though, I like both the Daily Show and Colbert Report as much as the next person, but election time is when they are truly addicting.

Colbert's working that fro

''I don't know if you've paid much attention to the past eight years, but it has been a shitburger supreme. If somebody gives me an empty burger, it's better than eating shit.'' - Stephen Colbert

Tina Fey at the Emmys

"Sarah Palin has a crazy voice. I would say, not since 'Sling Blade' has there been a person who's really easy to imitate, so I got really lucky on that one," Tina said.

While Governor Palin herself reportedly enjoyed the impersonation, John McCain advisor Carly Fiorina called Tina's portrayal "sexist." So what did Tina have to think about that response? Apparently, not much.

"I saw one lady trying to form a thought that it was sexist on the news but she didn't get it together, probably because she was a lady and she was dumb," Tina said. "Wait is that sexist?"

There's a word for this?

Petrichor (pronounced /ˈpɛtrɨkɚ/) (from Greek petros, "stone" + ichor) is the name of the scent of rain on dry earth.

The term was coined in 1964 by two Australian researchers, Bear and Thomas, for an article in the journal Nature. In the article, the authors describe how the smell derives from an oil exuded by certain plants during dry periods, whereupon it is adsorbed by clay-based soils and rocks. During rain, the oil is released into the air along with another compound, geosmin, producing the distinctive scent. In a follow-up paper, Bear and Thomas (1965) showed that the oil retards seed germination and early plant growth.

The scent is generally regarded as pleasant and refreshing, and is one of the most frequently cited "favorite smells.” In desert regions, the smell is especially strong during the first rain after a long dry spell. The oil yielding the scent can be collected from rocks and concentrated to produce perfume. However, it has yet to be synthesized, perhaps due to its complexity. It is composed of more than fifty distinct chemical substances.

Welcome to Fall

I think I am officially a fall person now.

Across the Street from my House

This is the school across the street from our apartment in as seen in the 1920s and today. I found the old picture while I was researching something for my boss. It said they have since added a floor to the top of the building. That horse has been standing there for awhile though.

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

There is a God

Overheard at Work

"When you have a son, you worry about one penis. When you have a daughter, you worry about HUNDREDS of penises."

This is the offending shirt.

Barron is back from Vegas

"Thelona was plastic and full of air but I will never forget the 5 minutes I knew her standing in line to get into Club PURE in Las Vegas."

Oregon Festival Trail

Today I played a game that was like Oregon Trail except instead you are going across the country to a festival with your friends in a station wagon. You also have the option of riding in an SUV or a Hybrid vehicle. Here is who came along with me in the car:Some of the descriptions are pretty funny. And accurate! How many times have you been in a car with Beth when she rolls her hand up in the window and won't stop complaining for 30 minutes, delaying your trip? I know it happens to me all the time.
AND! How many times have you been in the car when Beth's mom gets a "purple nurple" due to an argument over a CD? You can't take the Shuzman women anywhere.
Beth's mom was totally that embarrassing friend that you take along for entertainment value but you end up taking care of more than anything. Take for instance, this incident:
Don't think that Beth and her mom were the only two people delaying our trip to the festival. Joe Headrick easily takes the pussy award by crying over unspecified roadkill on the side of the road. Kid can joke about dumpsters full of dead babies but not roadkill? PLEASE! Double points for somehow making everyone feel awkward.
Someone made us pull over to see the "Mystical Cave of Gnomes." I blame Barron.
We picked up a hitchhiker and Beth's Mom was of course the first person to complain about it.
Barron comes in with some late-trip drama involving a toilet.
We finally make it to our destination. But not before Beth meets a guy in a bathroom in Las Vegas and decides not to continue with the trip to stay with her love. You think I made that up? Because I am not that clever.

Ba-rock and roll

"I with that I was old enough to vote for Obama"

Worth a watch.

1st Anniversary

I have had this blog since September 10, 2007. Even though I am two days late, I thought we could all celebrate this momentous occassion. Also, I am sure no one is surprised this is late because I have never been on time for anything in my life.

Here's to another year of posting!

Don't Cry for Me

I can hear my boss listening to Evita in his office, which probably means he is also watching a youtube video.

How did they know what I wanted for lunch?

I Miss You A Lot

This Pic

This picture makes me laugh 50% of the time every time.

Hello Readers

Poor Beth. When I am not in the mood to post, she checks daily. When I have a lot to say, I can't believe that she has not read my posts!

I can attribute this partially to the Red Sox. They are my lifetime true love, consuming at least 3 hours of my after work time. Now that we are getting into playoff time, it is even more a necessity to my schedule. Although, you can ask Barron who has been making him watch Sox since April, before it matters what your team rank is.

The second reason I have not been posting is because I have been using my spare time to study for the GRE. I found out my work may cover half tuition if I go through the public affairs program, so it is something I am making a goal.

Another contributer to my lack of posting though, is I just don't feel good about the future of this country. I really am scared about a McCain/Palin election. As we, as a nation, are faced with another September 11 anniversary, I feel worse about this election than I did when Kerry lost. I truly feel sad for this country we live in and what the state of politics has come to.

Anyway, what I really mean to say is I love my few faithful readers, but I have a lot going on.

Don't think I am in bad spirits though: I love fall. I am looking forward to leaf changing, and apple picking, and baseball playoffs, and crisp fall air in the morning, and pumpkin carving, and Halloween, and running my first 5K on Saturday, and the new red corduroy jacket I bought that Barron says won't show boogers as bad on the sleeves as my tan one, and mittens, and sweaters, and new beginnings.

xoxo Shannon